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Thomas McMinn

Building Better Bonds: Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Children



A dad yelling at his kids

Alright DADHOOD, lets get real, we all have our moments—times when the chaos seems too much, when the pressure builds up, when, despite our best intentions, our voice raises to a yell. We might feel in that moment that raising our voice is the only way to get our point across. However, it’s crucial to step back and understand the negative impacts yelling can have on our children.


Breaking Down Trust

One of the foundational elements of any relationship is trust. Children look to their dad for security and reassurance. When a dad consistently responds with yelling, that trust can begin to erode. Children might start to feel that they can’t approach their dad with problems or mistakes out of fear of a harsh response, which can distance them emotionally over time.


Instilling Fear Instead of Understanding

Discipline is about teaching, not instilling fear. When communication often involves yelling, children might comply out of fear rather than understanding why their behavior was wrong. This might solve the problem temporarily, but it doesn’t promote long-term learning or encourage kids to make better choices independently.


Increasing Aggression

Studies have shown that children who are frequently yelled at tend to exhibit more aggressive behavior both at home and school. They model what they see. If they witness that yelling is an acceptable way of dealing with frustration or anger, they might mimic that behavior, thinking it's an appropriate reaction. So next time your kids reacts to a situation aggressively, think about your own behavior is a similar situation.


Affecting Self-Esteem

The way we speak to our children can significantly impact their self-esteem. Yelling can make children feel like they're not good enough or that they're a disappointment. This can seep into other areas of their lives, affecting their social interactions and academic performance. A child who feels constantly berated may struggle to concentrate in school or participate in extracurricular activities, worried about further criticism.


5. Causing Long-Term Emotional Damage

The emotional aftermath of being frequently yelled at can extend into adulthood. It can lead to issues like anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. The constant stress response triggered by yelling can also result in physical symptoms, such as headaches and increased heart rate.


A Better Approach: Alternative Strategies

Understanding the harmful affects yelling can do doesn't take away the fact that parenting is hard, and keeping our cool isn't always easy. Here are a few strategies that might help:


  • Take a Timeout: Before you reach your boiling point, take a breather. Even a five-minute pause can help you calm down and reassess the situation.

  • Set Expectations Early: Clearly communicate expectations and consequences so that both you and your child know what’s expected.

  • Use Positive Reinforcement: Catch your child doing something good and praise them for it. Positive reinforcement encourages good behavior more effectively than fear.

  • Develop a Discipline Plan: When calm, think about effective discipline methods you can consistently apply that involve communication and understanding, not fear.


As dads, we’re all learning and adapting. The goal isn't perfection but progress. By reducing how often we yell and learning healthier ways to communicate, we not only improve our own parental satisfaction but also support our children in growing up feeling safe, confident, and loved. Let’s make an effort every day to speak to our children with the same respect and kindness we wish for ourselves. Remeber your kids are always listening, and how we talk to them shapes their understanding of what love and patience sounds like.


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